Day 5

Ok well... woke up this morning with 2 new cysts just under my left jawbone, near my chin.  I seem to get them a lot here, not sure why. No new changes on my right side, although makeup seems to cover up that side somewhat easily.  The red marks on the right side of my face are kind of scabby, which is probably why they are easy to cover up.  They will probably eventually just dry up and fall off, which is what usually happens in my past experiences.  I'm a little shiner today than I have been this week, but I am not too worried about it yet.  Weighed in today for our "biggest loser" competition at school, stayed at 168.  I have a volleyball game today, which will certainly be followed by happy hour... obviously, I will not be drinking, I just hope my makeup holds up.  No new major changes to report.  No unusual side effects, lips a little dry.

Just doin' it.. gimme the Accutane

You know I don't even know when I first started to battle acne, but ever since my freshman year of college my skin has been something that has completely taken over my self esteem.  Even during the best of times, what my skin looked like was always like the annoying voice in the back of my head.  To this day, I have a hard time looking at people directly for more than an average of about 5 seconds, in fear that they will notice the scars and red spots that even Clinique cannot completely disguise.  I've tried nearly everything; topicals, creams, spot treatments, peels, orals, and many others which sometimes worked for only short periods of time.  I should add that I am not on, and have never been on the pill.  I am not sure if it is true what they say, that being on the pill can sometimes clear up your skin, I guess I'll never know for sure.  Today, I am a 25 year old P.E. teacher and coach, and I find myself constantly comparing my skin to the skin of my younger students and athletes.  "I should be done with this!!!" I will often find myself saying, mad that these younger kids have flawless skin compared to what mine looks like.  

Just recently, I noticed that my somewhat severe breakouts have become more cystic in nature, covering parts of my face that I normally have never had a problem.  It was just last week that one of my students said to me very innocently, "Ms. Turner! I can see you have makeup on! It's a different color!!"  At that point, I knew I needed to just do it.  I have been contemplating going on Accutane for about a year now, and had always talked myself out of it.  This was the breaking point.  I am so over putting on makeup twice a day, over being self-concious, and most of all, over acne.  That very day, I called my dermatologist, went in that night, and began the cycle an hour later.  I needed to just do it, a phrase I have come to live by.

I have done a lot of research on Accutane, and read a lot of people's blogs about their usage as well.  It is because of these people that I have the guts to document my own journey with Accutane, hoping that it will help others as these other blogs have helped me.  After reading about the success rate of many of the users, the decision to just do it came rather easily.

So here I am.  Today is actually day 4 of my cycle; I do 20mg in the morning, and 40mg at night.  As of right now, the only side effect I have noticed is dry lips and slightly dry eyes.  I have absolutely noticed that my skin is producing less oil than normal, as my face is not as shiny as usual by the end of the work day.  I know it is only day 4, but I may be seeing a minimal improvement at this point. Like I said, definitely drier than usual, as my face produces more in a day than some people do in a year.  I will try and post some pics if I can figure out how.  I am very excited to be finally starting accutane, just scared about a possible initial breakout....

here we go...